Mistakes

The door opened up for me, and just as I thought it would stay open, it started to close. I have done everything I can to make it close faster even though all I really want is for it to stay open. I pushed when I had to pull, I ran when I had to stay, I laughed when I was supposed to cry, and I stoped caring when I really was supposed to care. Is this what I am to do my entire life? Make mistakes and realize that I've done the stupidest thing ever thinkable? Is this how I am to go on till they burn me? I wish this would stop. I wish that one day I can look behind me and everything that has happened to me and say "I'm proud to be who I am now." And maybe even a small whisper thats is carried by the wind "It was what you did to make you who you are". I rub at my eyes, I try to take away the blotchy look they have recently put on and try to make myself look like the person I was and will always be, but deep down I know...... it will never happen. I was that person once, now I am a different person, and later I will be another person. It's what our mistakes make us do- Change. And if this is what my mistakes make me do.... I wish I never make another ever again. I want to keep that door open..... even if it only an inch. I want to keep it open even if I need to beg for help. I want to keep it open..... because thats where my dreams will come alive.